Thoughts and ideas to inspire, uplift and affirm the childless and childfree, by circumstance and by choice
I definitely share in the wish-often-expressed-by-childfree-bloggers that I knew at least one other woman who was travelling happily in a non-motherhood direction. Among my closest friends are a couple of women without children and not content about it, a couple of women with children and not content about it, and a good handful of women with children who are really into it. And to be honest, though perhaps I should have most in common with the first two categories, I’m actually very sympatico with the really-into-it mothers.
I think it’s because for me, the issue of non/motherhood can become almost secondary to the issue of getting-on-with-things-the-way-they-are and not just getting on, but actually getting excited – to use the cliche, ‘being in the driver’s seat’. Many of my favourite conversations begin, “I had this idea of something I really want to do and you’re going to think I’m bonkers but I can’t get it out of my head.” (I won’t think you’re bonkers. Whatever it is, I already definitely think you should do it!) My really-into-it mother friends and I often talk like this and I love it.
One reason I especially enjoy the company of women who are passionate about their circumstances and choices, whatever they may be, is that I find they are most supportive of my circumstances and choices. People who are excited about their own lives get easily and wholeheartedly excited about the lives of others – and I love that.
Let me qualify myself and add that I’m not a fan of strained positivity when choices and circumstances are tough. Some situations are very difficult to feel excited and enthusiastic about and anyway, there is room for all sorts of conversations and seasons among friends. Shared troubles, empathy and the opportunity just to off-load sometimes are incredibly important too. I just like a good sprinkle of excitement and enthusiasm whenever possible, that’s all.
If you would like to read more about where non-mothers fit into the spectrum of womanhood, you might enjoy this post about things mothers and non-mothers shouldn’t say to each other, or this post about whether or not non-mothers are a collective.
But in the meantime, how about you? Do you feel that you know enough women who are, in whatever sense, ‘like you’? Is their motherhood/non-motherhood status a key issue for you? Do you value life-passion in friendships as highly as I do, or are other issues more important to you?
[The gorgeous art quilt above is presented here with
permission from Cornflower Blue Studio.]